the rock
Today I went to Rykers Island to perform short plays for the inmates (lets call them kids cause that's what they are...it was juvenile section). It's a really dope program that lasts about eleven weeks. In those eleven weeks the kids write short plays and then actors come in and perform them for the rest of the kids.
I have been in several jails since I began my film career and no matter how many times I have gone into a jail it's the leaving part that never ceases to amaze me. As I am walking out, my mind cannot stop thinking about the thousands of people that are being left inside. Put aside guilt or innocence, whatever crimes they committed, no matter how heinous or minor, the fact that they no longer have their freedom while I am walking out the door is a thought that will forever mess with my mind.
On top of all of that the fact that they are kids...or young people...in other words under 21 puts an even bigger twist on my mental state. Now I know some people are simply bad people and need to be locked up...but most of the people I have ever met that where locked up where not bad people...they simply made bad choices given the circumstances they were living in. I know I am generalizing here...but when I was looking out the audience and seeing these kids laughing, talking back to us while we were performing and even the kids that were sleeping cause they were bored...I saw boys that looked like me, boys that looked like my friends, in their smiles I saw that they were children...too dam young to be on the "rock"...to dam young to have the scars and wounds they all have...too dam young to have so little.
After the performance I went into the audience to talk with the boys. As I was walking off the stage one of the officers looked at me as if I was crazy...a girl going into the lions mouth...about 200 boys that have been away from females for who knows how long. I smiled at the officer and continued on, I couldn't simply stay on the stage looking at them as if they were animals. That would make me feel more uncomfortable that being around 200 boys. I approached one kid who was entertained the entire performance and asked him if he knew who the writers where. He said he was one of the writes...so we started talking. He was from Colombia...from Cali....he had been there several times and loved it. He couldn't wait to go back....it's all he dreamed about on the inside....going back to Colombia. I never ask what people are in for...I don't want them to feel judged by me...the way I see it, they have already been judged by someone else and now they are doing their time....as far as I am concerned we have a clean slate when we meet. So this kid and I start talking about what food he wants to eat...chorizo and an arepa...says he hasn't eating it in years..5 years to be exact. I say. "That's a long time, when you gettin out?" He says " In four months...I was doing my bid upstate and now they sending me down." "Cool, just stay out of trouble and you'll be home soon." He says, " Ya see, someone killed my brother when I was 14 and then I killed him." When he told me that...I just looked into his eyes and nodded my head. There wasn't anything to say...that was his confession to me...he wanted to let me know who I was talking to. He wasn't bragging, on the contrary he was simply being honest...letting me know his mistake...his baggage...his scars...we kept on talking about his sentence and how because he was a minor he was able to get out at 21..he had a plan..he had his GED, he wanted to be a mechanic..get a job...and then the whistle blew...it was time to go...we said our good byes..and then bounced....
As I was walking out of jail...I thought of that kid...yes...what he did was horrendous...he took a life...he cause pain and anguish...it is AWFUL...BUT a 14 year old kid doesn't just go off and kill someone...we got to look at the environment...the circumstance...the poverty...and ultimately what I believe is the lack of HOPE in poor communities...the night Obama was elected president I was able to see how POWERFUL hope is. How hope can make you feel invisible, how hope can give a reason to life and on the flip side in that same moment I also realized just how powerful HOPELESSNESS can be. I have never been in that bottomless pit of hopelessness but I can image the opposite of what I felt on November 4th and dam it to hell that is a place that will swallow ANYONE up...take even the best of us and break us...and that is what is happening all across the world...the poverty and hopelessness that so many of our brothers and sisters are living in is breaking them...it's tearing out their souls...it's making them murders and terrorists...
I don't have solutions today...nor will I have them tomorrow but I do believe in the old adage...I am because we are and we are because I am...
I have been in several jails since I began my film career and no matter how many times I have gone into a jail it's the leaving part that never ceases to amaze me. As I am walking out, my mind cannot stop thinking about the thousands of people that are being left inside. Put aside guilt or innocence, whatever crimes they committed, no matter how heinous or minor, the fact that they no longer have their freedom while I am walking out the door is a thought that will forever mess with my mind.
On top of all of that the fact that they are kids...or young people...in other words under 21 puts an even bigger twist on my mental state. Now I know some people are simply bad people and need to be locked up...but most of the people I have ever met that where locked up where not bad people...they simply made bad choices given the circumstances they were living in. I know I am generalizing here...but when I was looking out the audience and seeing these kids laughing, talking back to us while we were performing and even the kids that were sleeping cause they were bored...I saw boys that looked like me, boys that looked like my friends, in their smiles I saw that they were children...too dam young to be on the "rock"...to dam young to have the scars and wounds they all have...too dam young to have so little.
After the performance I went into the audience to talk with the boys. As I was walking off the stage one of the officers looked at me as if I was crazy...a girl going into the lions mouth...about 200 boys that have been away from females for who knows how long. I smiled at the officer and continued on, I couldn't simply stay on the stage looking at them as if they were animals. That would make me feel more uncomfortable that being around 200 boys. I approached one kid who was entertained the entire performance and asked him if he knew who the writers where. He said he was one of the writes...so we started talking. He was from Colombia...from Cali....he had been there several times and loved it. He couldn't wait to go back....it's all he dreamed about on the inside....going back to Colombia. I never ask what people are in for...I don't want them to feel judged by me...the way I see it, they have already been judged by someone else and now they are doing their time....as far as I am concerned we have a clean slate when we meet. So this kid and I start talking about what food he wants to eat...chorizo and an arepa...says he hasn't eating it in years..5 years to be exact. I say. "That's a long time, when you gettin out?" He says " In four months...I was doing my bid upstate and now they sending me down." "Cool, just stay out of trouble and you'll be home soon." He says, " Ya see, someone killed my brother when I was 14 and then I killed him." When he told me that...I just looked into his eyes and nodded my head. There wasn't anything to say...that was his confession to me...he wanted to let me know who I was talking to. He wasn't bragging, on the contrary he was simply being honest...letting me know his mistake...his baggage...his scars...we kept on talking about his sentence and how because he was a minor he was able to get out at 21..he had a plan..he had his GED, he wanted to be a mechanic..get a job...and then the whistle blew...it was time to go...we said our good byes..and then bounced....
As I was walking out of jail...I thought of that kid...yes...what he did was horrendous...he took a life...he cause pain and anguish...it is AWFUL...BUT a 14 year old kid doesn't just go off and kill someone...we got to look at the environment...the circumstance...the poverty...and ultimately what I believe is the lack of HOPE in poor communities...the night Obama was elected president I was able to see how POWERFUL hope is. How hope can make you feel invisible, how hope can give a reason to life and on the flip side in that same moment I also realized just how powerful HOPELESSNESS can be. I have never been in that bottomless pit of hopelessness but I can image the opposite of what I felt on November 4th and dam it to hell that is a place that will swallow ANYONE up...take even the best of us and break us...and that is what is happening all across the world...the poverty and hopelessness that so many of our brothers and sisters are living in is breaking them...it's tearing out their souls...it's making them murders and terrorists...
I don't have solutions today...nor will I have them tomorrow but I do believe in the old adage...I am because we are and we are because I am...
posted by Entre Nos at
4:47 PM
2 Comments:
Wow. You clearly have such a good heart. I saw your ad looking for a composer for "Entre Nos" on Mandy.com and I would absolutely love to work with you. My website has lots of streaming audio examples of my film scoring work. I hope you'll have a moment to take a listen to it.
All the best,
Dave MH
yes yes yes.
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