My Mother's Daughter

I was asked the other day why I made Entre Nos and I realized that I have never really told anyone the why behind the movie. The answer is simple...for my mother.

I grew up hearing the story about our family's struggle following my father's abandonment, not because my mom wanted to tell me but because I always asked her about the details. I wanted to know how she felt, what were her fears, what were her thoughts, how did my brother react, how did I react. I had this enormous need to know. Looking back at it, it seems that it was the way I dealt with the abandonment...maybe if I understood everything about the circumstances I might then understand the WHY behind him leaving me. Yet it was during the retelling of these stories that I began to see my mother's strength. I began to see her abundant and selfless sacrifices. I began to truly understand just how much my mother loved me. Over the years this realization has grown deeper and deeper. The respect I have for my my mother is profound, the love unconditional and the appreciation I have for her is beyond words.

This movie is my small attempt to show her how much I appreciate her and all of her sacrifices. It is my way to let her know just how much I love her. It a reminder to her that her strength is inspiring. Her spirit is beyond measure. Entre Nos is a celebration of her. It is my gift to her, a reminder to her that she once over came the impossible and can and will do it again if she must.

I am my mother's daughter in every aspect of myself. Everything I am I owe to her.

The Big Screen

I've been MIA for a bit...had my mind focused on other things...y'all get it by now...if I don't have anything to say I simply won't write...

Ok...so a quick update on where we are. We have shown Act I to our producers Michael and Joe and our executive producers Ryan and Bob. I am happy to say that they were very happy with what they saw. Granted there is always room for improvement but overall we are on the right track. At the moment, we are still struggling with the transitions. We realize that the transitional shots need to be more stylized and thoughtout than what stands now. Our transitions need to introduce and keep the audience engaged in Korea-town. Essentially, K-town needs to become a character in Act I and right now we don't have those beauty shots. What we need to do is add beauty to Act I.

Last night Gloria and I were on a panel for Tribeca All Access and we were asked to show some footage from the film. We were really hesitant to do so because we are still in such a rough stage in the edit. Tamir (the organizer of the event) pleaded and finally we agreed to show a few scenes. I imagined it would screen on a TV but because this is TAA and they always have fly events, the scenes were projected on the big screen. It was amazing to see the footage in that medium. It looked BEAUTIFUL!!!! I could barely contain myself because it looked sooo good. I sat back all teary eyed and thought how amazing it was that the Entre Nos family made the impossible possible. It was a beautiful moment. And now I am off to the cave to continue editing Act II...we just finished the movie theater scene. I can't believe we are about enter and edit the next stage, the world of canning!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOMEworkWORKhome

by Gloria La Morte

Hey Paola, I read the blog!

I read her past entry and when she asked, who reads this anyway? I said, I do... It usually happens at 1AM when I try to write something as I wind down from putting my son Emile (2yrs/8mos) to bed. But as I put my ideas together, I end up falling asleep. Well I'm trying a little earlier this time. 

After a full day today Paola left the edit room about an hour ago. I still have some work left to do. I called my husband Joe who is home with Emile to touch base but we soon had to hang up because Emile woke up asking for a peanut butter sandwich (we haven't told him yet how great it goes with jelly). I told Joe I'll let him go but will call back soon...

At work, we have entered the Second Act with our on-screen family where Mariana has to get out there and find her way in order to feed her kids. With nowhere or anyone to go back to, she moves forward. As we cut her selling empanadas on the street, trying to find work as a day laborer or having to leave her kids alone for work, I can't help but notice that there are more and more "Marianas" that I encounter on the street... MAKING ENDS MEET is the stuff of today's headlines. There is a struggle out there, where millions of people try to cloth, feed and shelter their families in an epidemic that is visibly getting worse.

I don't take for granted the story that has been entrusted to Paola and I to shape and bring to life. I say "entrusted" because the moment that these characters stepped out of the script and onto the screen, they were no longer ours. They belong to everyone who has generously contributed their time, effort, financing and talents to the project.

I miss those moments when I'm not home to spread the peanut butter. But if I'm not there to do that, I can't imagine a better place to be than with Mariana, another mom working hard for her family. In no way can I compare our situations, and I wouldn't try to. But living between home and work, no matter what you do, is a delicate balance, a thrilling dance, and when they both fulfill you, an amazing gift. I am writing from a place of gratitude and appreciation. And if I can go further, hope. HOPE that everyone who is struggling and living for these two worlds finds them. 

Inspiration & Transitions

We made a lot of changes to Act I yesterday: we rearranged, deleted and shaved down quite a few scenes. The great thing is that Gloria and I don't have a problem with throwing out scenes that don't work. Or at least at the moment, we haven't had a problem. In Act I, we have deleted four scenes. Getting rid of and replacing scenes is as easy as clicking a mouse, so at the moment no decision is permanent. We are in the exploratory stage. The stage where we can play with ideas, the stage where we can dream..the stage where there really isn't a cause and effect to choices. I love this stage...it's the most fun because it's the most free. It also is the stage that requires the most inspiration, the most ideas, the stage where we have to think outside of the box.

Last night I saw The Seagull (which I highly recommend...I LOVE CHEKHOV) and afterward I ran into a friend on the train. It was lovely to see her but she was quite surprised to see me. Surprised because she thought that now in the editing stage I would only be focused on the film. She thought my creative process would sequester me for months. I smiled and explained to her that I cannot have that process. When I am in the thicket of creativity I MUST go out and experience art. I must go and see work that inspires me,that most of the time at first glance has nothing to do with what I am working on. Yet somewhere my mind will make a connection to the story I am trying to tell. As an example, last night at The Seagull I had two very important realizations. For those of you that do not know The Seagull, it is about a Russian family who is struggling with MANY things but at its core is about love and the artistic process and the sacrifices that are made for both. Now the Russians they know how to torture themselves, they know how to wallow in pain, self pity and anger and because we are talking about Chekhov he knows how to do it brilliantly. Part of what is brilliant about Chekhov is he grapples with such heavy issues but somehow manages to have the audience laughing through out. This of course makes the devastating moments all the more devastating. Watching this last night reminded me how crucial those comical moments in Entre Nos must be. We have to find them, nurture them and make them poignant. Last night was also a beautiful example of transitions. The transitions from scene to scene were stunning, poetic, dreamlike and - most importantly - seamless. We are in the process of creating those transitions in ACT I and I want to have our transitions be everything that last night's were. We have something to aspire to. A tall order to aspire to but none the less Act I is all about "transitions" at the moment.

Act I & Change

Today my spirit is heavy because change is happening and I don't want it to. I know there is nothing I can do so I will simply step back and let the change happen.

Act I is complete. Gloria is in the cave alone today. She is cleaning up sound, music and adjusting levels in order for us to view ACT I in its entirety tomorrow. I am excited - a little nervous but excited. Nervous because initially when you are editing individual scenes you are living in a small and very manageable world. As you start to put those scenes together, the world becomes more complicated and the issues start to become glaring. I know the process well. I know how it feels to have a break through in the edit room and I know how it feels to be on the verge of giving up, pounding your head against the wall. I know that one simply has to stick it out when it seems impossible and eventually a breakthrough will come. Those breakthroughs will happen in the oddest of places: in the shower when I am washing my hair; as I turn over in the middle of the night, wake up for a few seconds and in the dark come upon it, saying to myself "remember this in the morning" and somehow later remember; as I watch a woman walk down the street; or as I listen to a song...the answers always come.

With those answers come change. A changing order of scenes, changing characters, changing intentions, changing mood or tone, and even downright babies left unchanged but cut out on the edit room floor. I can deal with these changes fairly well. Sure I will fight for the ones I believe in but I like to think that I am fighting for them, not because of my ego but because I believe they make the story better. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, but in the end I can honestly say the changes have always been for the greater good of the story.

Now in life, change just ain't that clean-cut. The fights don't end outside of the edit room & the sacrifices are slashes into the heart. How I wish I could tweak what she said, delete what I did and change that person's intentions. Alas all we can do is react to what happens and try and create a better world. That is what I am trying to do, create a better world...

Photo taken by James Adolphus

To Share Or Not To Share

First, I apologize to anyone that reads this blog (does anyone actually read this thing???)...Regardless, I have been absent for a while.
It's an odd thing to write a blog, especially when you are such a private person. For anyone that truly knows me..they know that I am very reserved. I don't easily share my personal thoughts, struggles or concerns. I keep everything very close to my heart and share with only a handful of people in my life. So the notion to expose myself before anyone's eyes is a little daunting at times. I am constantly asking myself...how much should I reveal? what can I or cannot I say? do I only talk about film? blah blah blah...I don't have any answers just yet but I am determined to simply write how I feel in the moment.

In the last few weeks I just wasn't sure what I wanted to say. But now I have something to say :)

So...where are we in the edit cave, you may be wondering? Gloria and I are almost done with Act I. We are flying through the scenes. It's been really amazing to see our visions come to life on the screen. I am very happy and proud to let everyone know that we shot a MUCH better film than we wrote. Andres Munar's performance as Antonio is better than anything we imagined. The character of Antonio is something that Gloria and I struggled with for a very long time. He is in the film for the first 25 mins and in those 25 mins a lot has to be accomplished. We have to understand why Mariana put her and her children's lives on the line, we have to understand how Antonio's spirit is completely broken by the time his family arrives and lastly we have to understand (though not necessarily agree with) why Antonio leaves. All of these elements are only accomplished if Antonio is a three dimensional character, with dreams, hopes and faults. In the writing we tried our best to accomplish that difficult task but it is only with Andres' performance that we were able to soar with his character. Watching him on screen is heartbreaking, you feel his pain, you see his conflict and you want him to make the right choice but in the end he is only human.

After two and a half years of living with this project, I have had to do a lot of self reflection as to my feelings toward my father. I have had to constantly ask myself why he did what he did. Not having the luxury to actually ask him, I have had to put aside the pain and anger and try to see the world from his perspective. At first this was a difficult task, almost impossible, but more important than my personal feelings was the fact that we had to remain true to the story. In the end, trying to see the world from the perspective of a 28 year old man, with so many unaccomplished dreams, the pressure of a young family and an adventurous soul, I have come to understand why father might have left. While I would have chosen differently, in my understanding, I have also come to forgive him. Finally after 26 years, I can say I have forgiven my father.