too tired and stressed to write!

Dignity and Struggle

I am happy to report our boldness has paid off! We have made drastic changes and the film finally works! We cracked the puzzle....we made it work...and I must say I am very happy with the film. Regardless of what happens to it, no one can take away the feeling of pride I have for this lovely, little film. It is not perfect but it is surrounded by love and dignity.

A woman much smarter than I put it best when she said, "The film is about the dignity of struggle." When she said that, my eyes welled with tears, not because of the compliment that she was giving us but because that is exactly what the film has always been about, which I was never able to put it into those eight, perfect words.

As this stage of the film comes to it's natural conclusion, my mind has begun to deal with the inevitable next step: Sharing our story with the world. As odd as this may sound, I never thought about how I would feel once our story was out in the public. I was always focused on the present, in the moment, that the future never had time in my mind. But now that it is right around the corner, I must admit there is a knot in my stomach. At my core, I am a very private person. There are only a handful of people that truly know my struggles, know my vulnerabilities; there are very few who know me. I know why I wanted to tell this story but the knowing doesn't take away fear of being vulnerable to the world. I am not really sure what to expect or how I will react when the time arrives, but the beautiful thing is that I will have my family by my side and we will be going through it together.

Do what you gotta do

I have been in the whirlwind of my own mind...plotting, deciphering, experimenting, at times with success, at other times with failure but with each try we have gotten closer and closer to the finish line. I think our success lies in a few drastic stokes of the edit keys. Yes, I said drastic...not too worry..no one is dying but a lot of our precious babies have been left on the edit floor. We will be testing our craziness tomorrow. We will see if we have the answers to our problems. I hope we do because we are approaching SERIOUS deadlines that will need to be met with in the next few weeks.

What deadlines...well film festival deadlines of course. We are crossing our fingers for a few festivals. What ones you ask???? I don't want to jinx us but I will say one festival we will have to get on a plane for and the other a subway train! Either one would be extraordinary!!!!!!!